As the doctor is staring the EKG readings of my dad hearts, he says out loud to the intern beside him, good, good, bad, good, bad, bad, good, good, good, bad, good, good, bad, bad, bad. I don't have a clue what the up's and down's mean on the monitor, but I know it sure feels like my life at times. I have some really good times, and then some really bad ones and the cycle continues like that! What this cycle does; is it makes me hopeful and longful for heaven, when like a perfect heart beat, there are no longer the hard times to walk through!
How in the world do we walk through some of these very dark valleys?!
We do this by keeping our eyes on Jesus, the champion who initiates and perfects our faith. Because of the joy awaiting him, he endured the cross, disregarding its shame. Now he is seated in the place of honor beside God’s throne. Hebrews 12:2
Just over a week ago, my dad had a Cardiac Arrest at his work. To put it very plainly, its a miracle he's alive today without any major complications. Whenever one googles what kind of ailment they have, your usually led to believe instant death is imminent! So granted, take this with a grain of salt! 70-90% of people who have a Cardiac Arrest die before making it to the hospital, and those who survive, approx 50% have significant brain damage, other organ failure etc. This is because in a cardiac arrest, your heart stops pumping instantly and that means lights out... Now!
My dad was at work, they noticed he was stumbling a little bit, so they got him to sit, he became unresponsive quickly and they got him lying on the floor, and started CPR instantly while calling 911. The Doctors said a few times if they had not done proper CPR, he wouldn't be alive right now.
So God has a plan in all of this! Who knows exactly what HE is all working out. Obviously it was not time for my dad to go Home, even though he really would have liked to see Jesus and visit Ma again. We can come to the conclusion that Pa's faith, or the rest of ours for that matter, has not been perfected yet. God is still working in us!
So personally, I am very exhausted emotionally. I would rather endure the physical hardships of running an Ironman, then sitting for hours and hours in a hospital waiting. I have seen the Lord do a lot of work in my life since my mom died, and I am so grateful I have allowed him to dig around in the more painful areas in my life. That being said, man I still feel so far from where I would like to be in my walk with God. But... I have hope that God will continue to strengthen my faith like he did after my mom died.
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